4:30 am - Laying in bed, thinking "I gotta pee, I gotta pee....roll back over and ignore it, hmmm, what should I dream about?" "I really gotta go, no, no, no, ignore it...okay, I can't ignore it anymore, quickly go to the bathroom and come back to my warm and cozy bed."
4:35 am - "Okay, I went but I can't fall back to sleep." "Oooh, I have that Sister Wives that I DVRd last night (don't judge!), I could go downstairs and make a hot pot of coffee and enjoy my show with time to spare before the little ones get up."
4:40 am - Downstairs, check the coffee pot to see if it by chance it is all set-up and all it needs is the flick of a switch to "BREW". No, of course not, but it is already cleaned-out...bonus.
4:42 am - Coffee pot is on, turn on the TV, start "Sister Wives"
4:44 am - Hear a door open upstairs and RJ's feet thumping down the hall. "Nooo, I must run an interception." Run upstairs "Hi honey, it's not time to wake-up yet, lets go the bathroom and go back to bed." I sit on the bathroom stool while RJ empties his bladder (he definitely got my bladder-holding gene). Sleepy-handsome-man is looking at me and smiling so lovingly - it's too early in the morning for him to tell me everything I've done wrong (don't worry, it'll come). I smile back lovingly, suppressing the strong impulse to tell him to focus on where he is peeing, trying to avoid looking to see where the stream is landing (I can deal with this during daylight). I scoop him up and carry him back to bed, telling him to "have one more good dream and then you can come downstairs"...Sister Wives is so close, I can taste it....then I hear, "Mooom", no, ignore it, I'm obviously hallucinating, Charlie could not possibly be up at this hour. I tuck RJ in and walk back towards to the stairs..."Mommy."
4:47 am - Open Charlie's door, I'm greeted by the biggest smile and the sweetest "Hi Mommy." I reply "Hi Charlie, it's still night-night time, can I get you some juice?" "Go downstairs" he replies. "No Charlie, it's still night time, I'm going to get you some juice." Run downstairs...
4:49 am - Run upstairs, bringing up a cup of uber-diluted juice. "Eat bread" I hear. "You want to eat bread?" I reply. "Yes." Okay, I run downstairs and grab a piece of bread, a highly unusual move but at the point I'm desperate.
4:51 am - Hand Charlie the piece of bread, "Want butter" he states. "You want peanut butter?" I reply. "Yes." "No, we can't eat peanut butter in bed, I'll get you some peanut butter in the morning." "Okay Mommy." I turn on his music and go back downstairs and watch some Sister Wives, enjoying my steaming hot coffee.
5:00 am - "Mooom, need nuni" It's Charlie, he wants more pacifiers - we are in the process of weaning him from them by snipping the tips more and more each day. Today should be the last day. I grab the last nub from my purse and run it upstairs to him. "Thank you, Mommy." "Goodnight, I love you, Charlie."
5:15 am - Charlie is still stirring so I hit "Pause" again and run upstairs and bring him down. I tell him that he can watch a "Mommy-show" with me. He wants "More Bread." I make him a piece of bread with peanut butter and set him up at the kitchen table. He tells me he wants to "Snuggle." I assure him that we can snuggle as soon as he finished his sandwich.
5:25 am - Immerse myself, once again, in Sister Wives and hot coffee...Quiet....
5:30 am - I hear "Hi Mommy." Charlie walks over to me with a huge smile, carrying all his cars and juice and this is what I see:
5:35 am - Charlie is all cleaned-up and sitting with me, begging to let the cats up (they sleep in the basement, in order to preserve the sleep of the two-legged creatures in this house.) I beg him not to let them up, I can't imagine having to take care of anything else at this hour. He is persistent and I figure that they may help entertain him and I will be able to finish watching my show.
5:45 am - The cats are up, Charlie is playing and I'm watching my show, on my fourth refill of coffee.
5:53 am - I hear RJ get up, I quickly change the channel, meet him at the steps and I tell him how proud I am that he was able to go back to sleep, that he looks very refreshed. He walks into the kitchen, looks at the clock and says "5:53, that's pretty late." I chuckle " Hahaha, not really."
6:00 am - Decide to blog about my stair-running morning and wonder why "Sister Wives" is never as good as I think it's going to be....